It is possible to grow your capacity to feel joy. It is also possible to grow your capacity to feel stress. Each feeling we experience is part of a whole. That means that we are not ever 100% happy or joyful or 100% depressed or anxious. It may feel this way but in truth we are only giving ourselves a limited perspective.
You may look back at certain moments and have a memory of happiness because you are focused on a certain happy part that felt so significant that the parts that weren’t that comfortable or were indeed painful don’t consume the memory.
The same is true for the negative memory that feels so heavy and takes over on the way you experienced it. Within each experience lies a big space for both positive and negative and neutral moments.
Sometimes we need to slow down in the moment or even after and notice what was ok, pleasant or neutral in the experience in order to gain a whole picture. This also teaches our body to grow it’s capacity to feel and experience uncomfortable and negative circumstance.
Some examples of this are trips that you have taken that were meant to be fun and exciting but also included the stress of flying, lost luggage or hangry fights with your family. Or watching sports or a family member play sports and feeling the stress or excitement or mixed emotions of the game that you were invested in – if you slow that down there are a lot of different feelings present. Disappointment, excitement, stress, fear, loss.
In many of these experiences and they happen all the time throughout our days we lean into the most common nervous system response – fight, flight or fawn.
If in situations that make you feel uncomfortable you tend to get up and walk away or avoid it because it feels too much or you tend to yell, scream and throw stuff because again it feels too much – you can learn to grow your capacity for some of these negative feelings by noticing some of the positive feelings that coexist.
This helps you to slow down your response and bit by bit incorporate other factors so that the experiences doesn’t control you or your future choices.
When you begin feeling like an experience is too much, try noticing what is around you – using your senses, ask what is neutral or pleasurable? Maybe during an argument with a friend you notice the soft touch of the breeze on your skin or during a flight abroad you notice teenagers laughing in front of you, or the aroma of the new perfume you bought.
This doesn’t erase the uncomfortable feelings, it simply grows the space or capacity to be in different situation where you might feel it. If you want to move forward this is one way https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/heal-the-four-steps-to-taking-in-the-good .
I hope this is helpful and supportive. I am working on creating a free resources page for my updated site and there you will find a ton of options that may speak to you.
Peace, Love and Light,
Orly
P.S. Stay tuned for exciting new ways of working together that incorporate healing, creativity and intuition!
