I have spoken to a lot of people and know from my own experience that sometimes our unhappiness stems from wanting something that we don’t truly want. We simply like the idea of it. We like the idea of it because it has been presented to us time and again as the path to happiness.
Examples include marriage or partnership, education, products, looking a certain way, children 2+, successful careers, working from home, owning your own biz or home, groups of friends, busy social life, traveling to exotic locations, 6-7 figure incomes, etc.
These are all fine ideas of what you may want in your life, but it begs the question, do you truly want it or do you just like the idea of it?
I have always been more of a loner, I enjoy the nights I spend at home in quiet with the freedom to watch, read or do whatever suits me. Growing up, I was unhappy because I never had that big group of friends and didn’t have a social life. I would judge myself for not being like others (who likely did enjoy socializing) and fought to change this about myself. It never worked because at the end of the day, I prefer my alone time and it makes me happy.
Likewise, when I started my coaching career, I modeled it after one of my mentors. I thought I wanted what she had created for herself – multiple programs, 7-figure income, retreats, online videos, etc. This at the time attracted me and as I worked towards this dream until one day, I realized it wasn’t my dream.
I wanted a spacious schedule with part time work and one on one clients rather than large group programs. I love the intimacy, connection and growth that happens with this type of coaching. If you are interested in learning more, sign up for a Connection Call https://orlyslight.com/apply-for-connection-call/ ( these are free consolations that allow you to share and let go.)
The difference between truly wanting something and just liking the idea of it stems from external validation, comparison and “shoulding.”
I am 40 years old, I should be married by now.
I have an only child, I should have another baby.
I only earn a 5-figure salary, I should have more.
I rent a home, I should own one by now.
I am often alone, I should be more outgoing.
I am always quiet, I should talk more.
Instead ask yourself,
What do I enjoy + what do I dream of FOR ME?
Even if no one else gets it, I love ______________________________________.
Even if I don’t earn more money or security, I want to spend my time ________________________________.
Even if it is different then most people, I choose ____________________________________.
Speaking of what we really want, if you are desiring CONNECTION check out my article published on Purpose Fairy about Loneliness. A good friend of mine shared that after reading and considering the points she began considering what it means to connect with herself + it had a profound impact on her sense of connection with others!
She shifted from feeling alone to hosting her grandkids out of pure joy and creativity rather than obligation. This experience led her to feel connected, inspired, creative and grateful.
UNLIMITED Love + Light,
Orly
