This “always” happens to me…They have “always” struggled with that…I was “never” good at this…I “always” quit…I have “always” had issues in relationships…I “never” did well at school….
Does this sound familiar?
Always and never are blanket statements also known as black or white thinking. They give the illusion that life + you are all or nothing. For instance, if something falls under these categories of always and never, you cannot see all the grey area in between. You cannot see the many experiences and examples when these statements were not true.
These descriptions give us all tunnel vision because the deeper truth is that life is not black and white. You are not black and white, and it is not true that you or life could fit into a category of always or never. We are in a constant cycle of change and growth, so the truth is more likely in the in-between, in the grey area.
The grey area gives you an opening while these blanket statements lock you in a prison. Instead of looking to what seems like it is “always or never” look deeper to the openings. The openings are the times in between (which may feel insignificant) where you were successful at something, or you did bravely face a challenge, etc.
It may “feel” that something was “always or never” because the feeling was a big feeling, likely it scared us, traumatized us, or made us feel uncomfortable; but when these feelings have been processed, we can see a greater picture of truth. There is more to us and them and life.
When we are looking to grow and change, we need to be willing to see that there is much more to us than our struggles and our past. The more you unfairly label yourself, life and others, the harder it is to see through to the unlimited possibilities that exist for yourself.
