Each of us is incredibly powerful. Each of us can feel good about our lives and can achieve great things. The problem is we are exhausted because we tend to focus on things that are out of our direct control and therefore stay stuck. We are also unclear and confused about where to focus and what actions to take so we drain our energy.
One way of getting out of this loop is to know and understand your role. This is not something that is black and white. You get to decide what your roles consist of and what your job is in each one. It might be different for someone else. The most important part is that it feels true and aligned for you.
For example, I recently spoke with a friend whose kids are now in college, she shared that when her kids were in elementary school, she didn’t make them lunch. She didn’t believe it was her role to make them lunch every morning. However, she did believe it was her role to teach them and prep snacks so that they could make their own lunch.
She felt clear about this, and it led to confidence. Another example is she didn’t feel it was her job to make her kids happy, she did believe it was her job to be available and hold space for them, but she didn’t jump to fixing or changing things for them because that was not part of her job description.
Due to these beliefs and clarity, she was able to accept her choices and stay in her lane.
I used to believe that I was in control of much more than was humanely possible or necessary and this led to suffering and health problems. I know I am not alone here, many of us take on too much and have the misconception that it is our role to do these things for others + the world.
In other words, we are carrying a very heavy burden on our shoulders, one that leads to dissatisfaction and struggle. Here are some ways to get clear on your roles, switch hats, and let go more.
I invite you to make a list of your most important roles, for me they are mother, daughter, wife, coach, writer, etc. and get really clear with yourself about what this means for you. What is your job in these roles, where do you draw the line, what is not part of this job, where can you let go?
Firstly, your role must be in your direct control. Meaning you have the power to make the choice or change something. This is about YOU and your influence. (If it is about someone else’s influence or behavior then it is not in your direct control.)
Secondly, notice what part of this role leads to struggle, pain and confusion. Often, there is an emotional element that keeps us from changing. For example, if something created pain for me like seeing a loved one struggling, I would take on the role of helping because I wanted to see them happy so that I could be happy. In order to break this cycle, I had to learn to accept that their happiness was not in my direct control and feel my feelings around their unhappiness and my own.
Shining a light on your roles and understanding what part you play can take the burden and energy drain from your shoulders. It can help you feel confident about your part in it all. Take the time to get honest with yourself about what is not your role and what is.
Then take the life changing step of letting go and accepting that whatever happens is part of life.
I hope this supports you on your journey. If you’d like to learn more about what I call “staying in your lane” reach out with a question or join me for a free consultation.
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