Do you relate to the all or nothing mindset? It may look like and feel like being on one extreme or the other. Working out everyday or not at all. Eating veggies all day or eating sweets all day. Spending time out with friends all the time or being at home alone all the time. Working hard non-stop or not working at all. In the end nothing gets accomplished, and you feel like sh*t.
The “all or nothing mindset” is the mindset of perfection. It says, “I want it my way, whatever the most perfect way I imagine in my head, or I give up.” It is a masculine mission of forcing and controlling things, so it matches our unrealistic vision of perfect. It has something to prove and is easily managed by the ego.
Keep in mind another word for perfect is SAFE. If things are perfect, I am safe, my family is safe and life is good.
It’s a total mind game – if I decide in my head this means perfect, then as I am “overly” doing things, I feel good about myself and about life. Though, it’s a game that you created in your head so it doesn’t actually mean that and overtime you will get burned out and give up or feel extreme disappointment when your vision didn’t pan out. Then you will have another vision something different but ultimately the same and play the same game.
All or nothing is not something that happens to us and it’s NOT “just” how we are wired. It is a mindset that takes practice and awareness to shift. Shifting it requires us to connect with our nervous system and relax our bodies.
When we are all or nothing we are usually in fight or flight mode – there is a NEED (usually fear) that pushes us forward and we are running off the stress hormones to make it happen or complete the tasks. Then over time, we deplete ourselves and our stress hormones need to rest so we end up in “nothing” so as to heal.
Many of us have been operating this way most of our lives so it can feel challenging to change this mindset. It takes rewiring your brain to realize that there is another way of doing something and our stress hormones/nervous system can be at peace while we accomplish things.
We don’t need to beat ourselves up or fight so hard to move forward in life. We don’t need to make things happen or have them happen all at once. We can do it steady and slow and still get there. No, it’s not as exciting as the overnight success vision you have – but it is healthier, and you are more likely to achieve the vision and enjoy your life off of the rollercoaster ride.
The first step is becoming aware of the fear and stress in our bodies and doing something to soothe it. The next step is realizing that faster/harder isn’t the answer – that’s the fear talking. You have nothing to prove, your dreams come from a place of love, not from proving yourself worthy or better. Remember you are safe and can soothe the fears you have. The safety is what you long for, create a sense of safety within yourself.
