“When used constructively, regret is a call to courage and a path to wisdom.” – Brene Brown
Do you ever look back at think, I wish I would have done that differently or feel sadness around a choice that was made and cannot be changed? These are common feelings around the past that keep us limited. Luckily, there is more than one way to look at regret.
Regret survives on the notion that a mistake was made and there is no un-doing it. It feels like life would have turned out differently or a difficult situation may have been easier if “(whatever it is)” didn’t happen. It can also lead to shaming ourselves for our choices or blaming others and becoming a victim of whatever happened.
Lately, regret has been a popular topic in my coaching sessions and clients tend to look back to the past and feel like they missed something important and if only they knew what they do now, they would have done it differently.
There is a lot of pain wrapped up in the regret we feel, sometimes it is towards ourselves, sometimes towards other people, towards opportunities and both big and small choices. However, there is one important + often ignored point of regret that we tend to miss –
WE LEARNED SOMETHING.
Rather than stay stuck in the past and feeling bad about something that we cannot control (whatever it is you feel regret over), and making it mean something about who you are, what did you learn from that experience?
When I look back at past experiences, I have huge key learnings that make me the person I am today. In friendships, I learned that I lacked communication skills and that led me to learn to speak up for myself + ask questions rather then assume, from past jobs, I learned that my motivation was often fear based and this led me to shine a light on my definitions of security and success.
Each of us can look back and stay stuck or accept that life is a journey, and we are constantly learning something about ourselves. We can blame or shame ourselves or we can have compassion and empathy for the person we were in the past.
Our past selves didn’t know what we know now nor were they supposed to because life is about learning and growing and loving ourselves through it, it is NOT about avoiding pain and making perfect choices that keep us safe.
My invitation to you is: Take the learnings with you and leave the past behind. Often times there is unprocessed emotion to work through as well which I can support you through.
Other examples of learning from regret: compassion, empathy, acceptance, awareness, communication, clarity, confidence, healing, self-love, and awakening.
