When I was young I often felt out of place. Like I didn’t fit in anywhere. This is common for most people. There is a feeling that you don’t belong and rather than find what does feel right to you, we make ourselves wrong.
As in, “I need to change. I need to be different. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I be like the others?”
From this perspective, we are the problem and a problem needs to be fixed. The fixing gives us a sense of control and control gives us a false sense of safety. We then begin the process of fine tuning until it is too much, doesn’t work, or our feelings about it change.
It took me many years and many experiences to learn that my sensitivity and unique nature is not a problem to be fixed and sometimes the environment is not a good fit for me. This doesn’t mean the environment or people are necessarily bad, it just doesn’t work for me and it is not a space I can flourish in.
This is known as an “inside out” perspective rather than an “outside in” perspective. Perhaps you are not the problem, perhaps the place, people, experience aren’t a match for you. If you took this perspective, how would you feel about yourself, relationships and the challenge you are facing?
When we are in an environment that doesn’t support us or give us the space to be ourselves, we suffocate. Like a flower that doesn’t get enough water, sunlight and space to grow, we begin to wilt away and feelings of depression and anxiety come knocking on our doors.
It is a human need to belong and to feel loved and accepted by others, this is a valid desire. Yet, the love we have for ourselves, to love and honor our needs and move on when they are no longer met is a fierce act of belonging – belonging to ourselves.
It takes courage to change our environment when it no longer suits us and step into the unknowns. It also takes courage to accept ourselves rather than constantly fix so we can fit in more. However, when the love for yourself becomes stronger then the need to belong you will discover there is a right place for you.
To change and to growth and to new beginnings. Here we come!
Peace, Love and Light,
Orly
